cut.

last friday i got a haircut.

i mean a real haircut

not just a trim.

i could leave it at that and a few people would understand.

the rest of you are lost i'm sure

so let me shed some light on the subject for the confused.



2 1/2 years ago (march 15, 2006 to be exact - the date is burned in my mind) i went to get a haircut. it was to be a simple trim of my short somewhat spikey haircut. i loved wearing my hair short and i felt my hair was one of my best features and the style fit me well. i was sitting in the chair and Jolee ran her fingers through the back of my hair prior to starting to cut it and cautiously asked, "did you know you have a bald spot back here?" I can't really describe the sick feeling that hit my stomach. The spot was the size of a quarter and was located behind my left ear. Not knowing what else to do, she cut it as well as she could and we devised a style,minus the great spikes in the back, that would cover the spot. She reassured me that it should grow back eventually but i sensed concern in her voice. I made it home before breaking into tears and spending a sick amount of time in front of the mirror inspecting "the spot". Over the next 5-6 months, my alopecia areata, as it was diagnosed, got much much worse. By November of that same year, a seemingly harmless small bald spot became bald areas across the entire back of my head, a large area at my left temple, and countless spots from 1-2 inches round all over my head. I went from doctor to doctor to doctor searching for a reason, and more importantly, and solution. My family doctor, a endrocrinologist, and dermatologist all gently told me that there was no known cause and no great solution. A dermatologist did offer to inject the sites with cortisone but by this time it would have taken hundreds of injections and that much cortisone isn't good for you. They all said it would grow back but couldn't tell me when - "it could take weeks, months, or years." Golly, that's helful. I was emotionally devestated and extremely depressed to say the least. I work with the public in the medical field and was so self-conscious that my patients would notice. Having worn my hair short for a lot of years, there were frequent questions as i grew it out to cover the spots. Each time someone asked why i was growing my hair out i could barely keep from crying as i provided one lame reason after another. One sad memory i have is the day that my loving, romantic husband drove me an hour to a great Lake Huron beach to just walk, sit and hang out together and i was unable to enjoy it because i had forgotten a hat and the wind was blowing my hair around and exposing my bald spots for all the see. Probably the most devestating day was when i had to go see a hairdresser about the possibility of getting a wig. I cried all the way there, all the way through the consultation, and all the way home. The poor man must have thought i'd lost it, and, in fact, i was pretty close. Gone was my stylish haircut and replacing it was long, thin, patchy, stringy hair that made me feel ugly. I didn't realize how much of my identity I had put in my hairstyle. Hair is a big deal for women - at least for this woman! It's an expression of our style and a great way to show individuality. Thankfully it never came to wearing a wig. Near the end of 2006, i began to notice some peach fuzz type of hair growing in some of the patches. i was cautiously optomistic but still doubtful that i would ever have my hair back. Since that time, the areas have slowly grown back and filled in. Most came back wavy or curly and, with the rest of my hair being straight, provided some challenges,but at least it was growing. As of last Friday it had been just shy of 2 1/2 years since my hair started falling out. I had felt for a month or so that i would probably be able to pull off a short cut again but i had trouble summoning up the bravery to make the appointment. The what ifs were everywhere. Somehow i managed to show up for the appointment i made and announced that i thought i was ready for a real cut. My hair person, jolee, who by the way had been awesome and encouraging everytime i visited and cried through my appointment, looked shocked but excited. She sat me down and carefully inspected my head for any spots i had missed. After a tense couple of minutes she pronounced me with a full head of hair and off we went! She snipped and clipped and fluffed and razored, then she dried and moussed and tousled and sprayed. When she finally finished and asked me what i thought i couldn't talk because of the tears and lump in my throat. It looked fabulous - like the old me staring back at me! It felt light and fresh and stylish and just plain GREAT! Funny how your hair can make such a difference in how you feel - if i got philisophical maybe too much - but i am choosing just to soak it in and love how it has given me a light young feeling. It could all fall out again tomorrow, i realize this, and if that happens, it happens. Will it suck? You bet it will, but God got me through it once and He could do it again - i know He could. So if by chance you have happened upon this and have lived through something similar, i know how hard it is and am praying above all for peace that passes understanding and comfort from our awesome God whom the Bible says in Matthew numbers the hairs on our head.

last friday i got a haircut

praise God!

Kendra