shame?

The past couple of weeks have been pretty amazing and a testiment to God's ability to work everything out according to his plan. We have been planning and praying about facilitating a Financial Peace University class at our church. If FPU is unfamiliar to you, google it and you'll find some great info on learning to gain peace in your heart and life regarding finances. By way of free publicity, God has provided the placement of an article in both the Saginaw News and Bay City Times about our story of righting our financial ship through God's mercy on us. It has garnered interest and for that we are so grateful. The past couple days, though, I find myself dealing with an emotion regarding our rough financial journey that I thought I had worked through. That emotion is shame. Many, many people in the past two days have commented about the article, congratulated me, brought in the article for me, etc. It suddenly dawned on me thatwhile we have been fairly open about the mess we were in and God plucking us off from the brink of disaster, these articles were going public in a big way. It's one thing if your family, church family, etc know your mess, but it's quite another when the entire tri-cities knows your mess. I find myself again working through some embarassment that we were SO disgustingly poor stewards of the blessings God had given us. I have talked to God a lot about this in the past two days and He has over and over again brought to my mind the promise that once we repent of our sin, He has taken our sins as far away as the east in from the west. He already put it aside and so I need to also. It's not about me or my embarassment, it's about the hope of a better way. Thank you God for being the ultimate forgiving, merciful Savior.
By the way, our first class was tonight and it went great. Everyone who signed up came and although the discussion started slow, people are warming up to each other and I am so excited to see God working in our class. I once asked Dan why, with all the people on the brink of financial disaster, God chose US to show his mercy on. We could have easily been bankrupt; in fact we should have been bankrupt. Now I truly believe God chose to throw us a lifeline so we could have some credibility that God's way to handle finances, is the only way to go.

diamond in the rough

This morning, after I had left for work, my husband did something really special to surprise me. We continue to wait patiently (is there any option here?) for our foster care licensing to be approved. The social worker sent it in two weeks ago and he predicted it would take four weeks total to travel all the beaurocratic inroads. So.....to prepare and keep me somewhat sane, we have been working on the room that will be the nursery little by little. It was set up as a spare bedroom with a queen bed and two dressers. Our good friends the Wilsons lent us a crib a couple weeks back so that joined the group. It was starting to look a bit crowded so I mentioned to Dan that we probably would have to take the queen bed down soon, especially since I would like to move one of our recliners in there if we have an infant placed with us. Like any man who's wife talks of having furniture moved, this sounded suspiciously like hard work. We talked briefly about accomplishing it this coming weekend but the subject ended there. This past weekend, while on the way home from a continuing education conference, we stopped to see my cousin and her husband who had so generously offered us some baby things. You see, they have twins who are 1 1/2 so have had tons of baby goods pass through their house. We stopped and visited briefly and were entertained by the Nick and Hannah show. By the time we left they had loaded us up with two car seats, a stroller, diaper genie, playmat, bouncy seat and LOTS and LOTS of misc. baby goodies! They were so generous to us in passing these things along. Thanks Bud and Lindsey for your generosity, support and excitement for our journey. Once we got all this stuff in our soon to be nursery it was more than a bit crowded. So, to surprise me, my husband took down the bed this morning and brought the frame to the basement. When I got home this afternoon and walked down the hallway and into this room it looked....well...like a nursery. Of course my eyes welled up with tears because I want so badly for this all to work out and having the room nearly ready makes it very tangible somehow. My husband knows me well enough to know how much this would mean to me. I've decided that from now until a child is placed with us, I'm going to use the rocker in his or her room as my place to pray for protection for this child and for God's peace for us as we continue to stumble our way through this. As for my husband, well, he keeps finding new ways to show me how much he loves me. I am so blessed to have him next to me on this journey. He's a diamond in the rough and I love him.
Here hoping for a diamond in the rough for all - Kendra

news

Today the article I talked about in my previous post was published in the Saginaw News. It is titled "Bay City Couple Found Freedom in Frugality". Freedom in Frugality sounds like a great title for a book doesn't it? Hmmmmm...... Anyway, the timing was perfect as we have our last preview of the class this Thursday and then start the 13 week series next Thursday. Once again, God shows up with perfect timing. If you want to check it out click here
http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2009/01/bay_city_couple_found_freedom.html
Other than the picture that makes me look suspiciously like a Chinese hyena being prodded with a sharp stick (too bad since there were several nice ones in the bunch he took), I was pleased with the article overall. I wished they would have included some of the references to tithing, how much the Bible has to say about money, and all the amazing blessings God brought to us in this quest, but I know they have to remain PC.
Enjoy the article, pass it along, and be blessed.
BTW, kudos to my sister, Nicole, who took a huge leap of faith this week and started homeschooling her kiddos after being tugged and prodded by God and that still and not alway so soft voice He has. I'm proud of you Nic for following God's leading even in an unfamiliar direction. May we all be so bold. Check out Nicci's blog at http://www.tablescrapnic72.blogspot.com/

how cool is God?

the answer?
pretty dang cool.
let me tell you one of a million reasons why.
Dan and I are facilitating a Financial Peace University class at our church starting Jan 29th. It is a biblically based 13 weeks class designed to help people understand the forces behind their financial stress, create a budget they can follow, set goals they can achieve, and make things right financially, spiritually and emotionally. We feel a passion to do this because over the past three years our lives have been changed by the grace of God in His leading us to a similar class and seeing us through the process of righting our financial ship. Three years ago: over $83,000 in debt. Today: debt free except for our mortgage. Without a doubt it was a God thing.
In an effort to promote this upcoming class to the community, Dan sent a press release to two local papers hoping for free publicity. A couple weeks went by and we didn't hear or see anything so figured they had passed. Then, early last week, a reporter from the Saginaw News called Dan. She told him she had received his press release but wondered if he could put her in contact with someone who had been personally effected by the principles taught in this class. HOW COOL IS THAT?

Dan started telling her our story and that led to her interviewing me also by phone that afternoon and sending a photographer to our house the next evening to shoot a pic for the paper. The photographer was a nice young guy from Florida interning in the area. He took our pic for the paper but also posted it on has blog with a short synopsis of the story. Check it out at

http://ocantilli.wordpress.com/2009/01/17/you-have-to-be-able-to-help-yourself-before-you-can-help-anyone-else/
We still aren't sure when the article will run in the Saginaw News but will keep checking and let everyone know ASAP. We're praying it is in there soon since our class starts the 29th and we'd love to draw in some community people through the article.
God is so cool that we asked for a press release and He gave us a full blown article as a platform to connect to people about how aligning our finances with God principles kept us from bankruptcy.
We could be bankrupt; in fact, we should be bankrupt, but in addition to being cool, he is outrageously merciful to His children and we will never the same.
As your week gets started, take a minute to reflect on the downright cool things God does for you.
Be Blessed, stay warm, praise God.

saturday, sweet saturday.

today is saturday

and i am sitting in my cozy robe

watching it snow and blow outside

no demands on my time

no schedule to follow

ahhh......

oh, i'm sure i'll venture out eventually

cupboards are pretty bare afterall

but for now it's just an exercise in relaxing

and who knows....

i may just decide to keep this robe company all day

the groceries will still be there tomorrow right?

after the busy holidays quiet weekends are a welcome respite

ok, rambling over, or at least interrupted momentarily.

I do want to share that this Wed our application etc was sent to Lansing for approval of our foster care license.

Can I get an AMEN??

Our licensing worker estimates that in four weeks (equal to just minutes when dealing with government...) we should be officially licensed and eligible to have a child placed with us.

GULP.

Please pray for no glitches in the approval process and also continue to keep this precious little one in your prayers for protection. On the way home from work yesterday I was listening to our local Christian radio station and a phrase from a song hit me - "somehow our story is a part His plan..." not sure of the song or artist but the words have been on a loop in my head and I find comfort in that - keeps my brain from wondering into the abyss of what if....

On a completely different note....since I didn't blog over the holidays, I wanted to share a picture from our family Christmas. My parents arranged for a family sleigh ride at a local farm and this is my and my hubby all decked out and ready to go and one of the whole gang. It was very cold but fabulous!

Here's hoping your Saturday is sweet and easy.

forward

This week my husband sent me an email FORWARD, which some of you realize was a risky move on his part. For the most part I hate forwards and usually delete them without reading them. I don't usually have time to read through them all and frankly don't believe the world will stop turning if I don't forward it to 12 people in the next 7 minutes. That being said, he has learned to be VERY selective with what he sends me so when I saw this I went ahead and opened it. It is called "Satan's Meeting" and I found it to be quite powerful. It's long and I apologize for that but I think it has a lot to say that we need to hear.

Satan called a worldwide convention of demons.
In his opening address he said, "We can't keep Christians from going to church."
"We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth."
"We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their Savior."
"Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken."
"So let them go to their churches; let them have their covered dish dinners, BUT steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ.."
"This is what I want you to do," said the devil:
"Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"
"How shall we do this?" his demons shouted.
"Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.
"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow."
"Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles."
"Keep them from spending time with their children."
"As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice."
"Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive." To keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly.."
"This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ."
"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers."
"Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day."
"Invade their driving moments with billboards."
"Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes.."
"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believethat outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with theirwives. "
"Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night.""Give them headaches too! "
"If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere."
"That will fragment their families quickly!"
"Give them Santa Claus to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning of Christmas."
"Give them an Easter bunny so they won't talk about His resurrection and power oversin and death."
"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive.""Have them return from their recreation exhausted.""Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead."
"Keep them busy, busy, busy!"
"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talkso that they leave with troubled consciences. "
"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus.""Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and familyfor the good of the cause."
"It will work!""It will work!"It was quite a plan!
The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get busier and more rushed, going here and there.
Having little time for their God or their families.
Having no time to tell others about the power of Jesus to change lives.
I guess the question is, has the devil been successful in his schemes?
You be the judge!!!!!
Does "BUSY" mean: B-eing U-nder S-atan's Y-oke?

The part that pricked at my conscience was "distract them from gaining hold on their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day". Yikes. I never really thought of the busyness of my life as a way Satan tries to keep me from connecting to God. Truth be told, lots of days he's pretty successful at it. By the time I turn around the day is gone and I've spent precious little time with God. This forwarded message, that I would have routinely discarded with annoyance, has been a timely reminder for me. Thanks honey for passing along the right things :)

Have a great weekend rain walkers - K

back to blogging

For those of you who have been checking and checking and checking my blog over the past several months only to see that I had apparently fallen off the face of the earth, thank you for your persistence. I'm not all together sure why I took a hiatus - maybe just needed some anonymity to my thoughts - but I hope to be back more regularly now.
The past couple months have been busy for us, not only in terms of the holidays, but because we have been pursuing licensing as foster parents. Our hope - to foster an infant or toddler whose parents have or will have their rights terminated and then pursue adoption. We have by no means ruled out trying invitro again and in fact had planned to try again in January. However, as it got closer, it just wasn't sitting well in my heart. After a hard, teary conversation, we decided to put that aside for now and see where this road leads us. I am so thankful to God for that sense of discontent that He sometimes uses to steer us. We first started inquiring about this possible avenue for starting a family back in November. At the recommendation of the licensing worker from the Dept of Human Services, we enrolled in and completed several weekends of training called PRIDE training. A Foster Parenting 101 so to speak. We finished the course right before Christmas and met with Chris, the DHS licensing worker, to start the application process. It has all just seemed to fall into place with a comfortable ease. God seems to be just quietly opening little doors and asking us to go through them. With a bit of trepidation we have chosen to do just that. He opens, we follow....... He opens, we follow..... Yesterday we had our final meeting with Chris and all of our applications, questionnaires, inspections, clearances, etc, etc, have been completed and turned in. All the hoops jumped through, i's dotted and t's crossed. Now we are left to wait. He anticipates it will take around four weeks to do the paperwork shuffle between here and the state powers to be in Lansing. At that point, we will be licensed to care for up to two children, age range between 0-5. Then the real waiting begins. There is no telling how long we will wait for a child to be placed with us. Could be days, could be months or longer. The waiting is already bothersome for me so I have been trying to focus on praying for our child. I don't know who he or she is, if they have been born yet or even conceived yet, but I am praying. My prayer isn't long or fancy - just that God, in his amazing miraculous way, would place a hedge of protection around our future child and the harm that is or will be imposed on him/her. You see, kids that are in good circumstances don't get taken away. The child we receive will have experienced some type of abuse or neglect. That makes me sick but I know God is able to protect that child and bring him/her to us.
We would love your offerings of prayers to our amazing God for this situation. We have already seen prayer answered in the speed and smooth sailing that the application process has been. Average time to get licensed is 3-6 months so we set out to shoot for the 3 months and actually are on pace to be licensed in 2 months! Praise God. That just confirms my belief that He has someone out there who needs us as much as we need them.
By the way, I know there are those of you out there who are saying that I know so and so who took in a child for this length of time and tried to adopt them only to have them returned to their parents...... We know that this road is not free of potentials for heartbreak and raw disappointment. We are praying for the best and preparing for all possibilities. Right now this is where God is leading and there is peace for us in the following.
It feels good to be blogging again.
Sleep well blog watchers :) Kendra