{sweet}

In the three or so months since we have become licensed foster parents, we have had the inevitable stuggle with patience. We saw the licensing process go so smoothly and quickly we knew God's hand was leading it. So....we sort of assumed I think that we would have a child placed with us right away. Wrong. We have been called several times but in each case, for one reason or another, it has not worked out. This is an instance where I certainly don't understand God's timing but I KNOW that it is GOOD AND PERFECT and am I am clinging to that. A few weeks ago we both seems to be struggling in particular with this ache we have in our hearts to be parents and the unknowns about how that will happen. We had both been kind of lost in our own thoughts and stuggles, a bit short with each other, and, honestly, weren't really interacting all that pleasantly with one another. During this time, I was sitting at my desk working on finishing some charts for the day, and my gaze fell on the coffee cup that was sitting in front of me. This cup has sat there for probably the better part of a year and is typically used just to hold pens or quarters for the pop machine. The front was facing me and I 'd read it a thousand times. It says, "God, when it rains, are you sad?"

For some reason on that day I decided to turn it around and see what it said on the back. As I read it tears filled my eyes and I felt like I had received a personal answer from God to my questioning of His timing. Here was the message that was hiding right there in plain sight the whole time.

...some things are sweeter when they're slow in coming...there you have it.

When I close my eyes I can see and almost feel how sweet it will be....{sigh}

But for now the sweet thing is that I have a God who sees all, knows all, already has it all worked out, and is holding us in the palm of His hands.

Be Blessed, Kendra

a lesson from the garden.

Sadly I have again fallen off the blogwagon. The more often I do it though, the more grace I am giving myself so there is minimal guilt from my end this time. However, something struck me the other day and I wanted to share it with whomever is still checking this blog after such a hiatus.

The front of our house is landscaped with a variety of flowers and bushes. In the 4 years we have lived here they have done fair - nothing to write home about, but not horrid either. With the exception of one. The rhododendron. The first summer we lived here it was basically a dead looking single stick with about three leaves on it. Throughout the season nothing changed. No more leaves. No flowers. Nothing. Summer two - there was two sticks, still dead looking, and still with only a few leaves on each stick. Summer three showed mild improvement with an increase in the number of leaves but still certainly nothing resembling a flower or even a bud. Pathetic. Multiple times over the past three summers I have told my husband that we should just dig it up, throw it out, and put it out of it's misery (and mine). Not sure why we didn't except digging it up would be work and, well, I garden by neglect and laziness for the most part. Anyway, it stayed. This spring it was looking a bit better, but still not very encouraging. I again thought that some garden euthanasia was in order but didn't act on it. One day I was out admiring my husband's work on our front lawn (you go honey!) and I glanced at it and there was what resembled the start of a tiny bud on the top of one of the dead looking sticks! I dismissed it thinking that surely nothing good could ever come from such a struggling, sad plant. It was a few weeks later when my husband nonchalantly said, "Hey honey, that bush bloomed." I assumed he was talking about a different bush so I looked over and LO AND BEHOLD, the rhododendron was supporting a whole mess of beautiful pink flowers! I stood there amazed that there were actually flowers on the dead sticks! I ran for my camera and snapped a picture of it. Later that night I got to thinking about how amazing God's handiwork is. Isn't it just like God to take something that looked pathetic and lifeless - something I would have gladly throw in the garbage - and make something bright, new, and gorgeous from it! Sounds like salvation to me and I, for one, and so thankful that God chose not to throw me out when I was lifeless and dead looking with sin. Instead he gave me new life. Wow. And you thought it was just a flower :)

Have a blessed Memorial Day.

Take time to stop and be thankful for those who gave all for your freedom. I don't understand this kind of courage but thank God there are so many that find it everyday to protect what we take for granted in this country.

Kendra

a pile of rocks

hi there, me again. It's been a month since my last blog. Lots of thoughts but not much time to organize them or write about them.
Anyway......
A few months ago, our pastor did an awesome sermon series from the book of Joshua. One of the stories from Joshua goes like this. God had brought the people of Israel to banks of the Jordan River. Across this river was the land God had promised to them. However, they faced a dilemma. They had to get this mass amount of people across the river safely and proceed with conquering the land. An interesting fact is that at time of year, the Jordan was at flood stage, making the crossing even more problematic. To God, however, there was no dilemma. After camping on the river bank, Joshua gathered the people to hear the Word of the Lord. He then ordered the priests carrying the ark of the covenant to lead them in crossing the river. In Joshua 3:15 the Bible tells us that as soon as their feet touched the water the river stopped flowing! The priests carrying the ark of the covenant stood firm on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan while the whole nation crossed (v 17). When everyone had crossed the Lord told Joshua to to choose one man from each of the 12 tribes and tell them to each take a stone from the middle of the Jordan where the ark of the covenant stood and take it back to where they were now camping. There Joshua set up the twelve stones to serve as a sign, a monument of sorts. In the future, when their children asked what the stones meant they would be able to tell them how God was faithful to His promise and had brought them to the Promised Land by holding back the flow of the Jordan River (4:1-7).
Our pastor then prompted us to think about things in our lives that God had taken us through and he encouraged us to have our own pile of rocks to commemorate God's faithfulness in taking care of us, His children; something that when our children or others asked what it meant we would be able to share what God had done. On the way home that day, Dan and I talked about how we wanted to have some type of pile of rocks to remind us of God's faithfulness and mercy in plucking us off the brink of financial ruin and blessing our obedience to His principles on handling the money He entrusts us with. We kind of left it there with no real consensus on what our pile of rocks would be. Several weeks later, as part of our Financial Peace University class, we brought our shredder to class and Dan and I shredded about 20 or 30 credit cards. That's right I said 20 or 30! You didn't know there were that many different kinds did you? We had long since stopped using them but had tucked them in a drawer. It felt great to shred them and for a while I put the shredded bits of plastic in a small glass candy jar and set it in our office where we could see it and reflect on how far God had taken us. A pile of rocks? Kind of I guess, but it gets better. A week or so ago I was sitting in there, looking at the jar, thinking about nothing in particular, and it hit me what our pile of rocks should be. Our monument to our release from the slavery of debt would emerge of this:

I took the shredded cards and arranged them on a cookie sheet and baked them until they held together in the shape of the letters. I had flashbacks of crafts I had done with my Girl Scout troop 25 years ago! It created some fumes in our kitchen that probably left us a few brain cells lighter but I love how it turned out. The placard in the center displays the scripture that spoke volumes to us from the beginning. We had printed it out and taped it to our bill organizer box so that when we were struggling to get our house in order we could read it and know that God would bless our efforts. It is Malachi 3:10 - "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, "says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." Today I hung our pile of rocks in our office. It is the first thing we see when we walk in the door. We don't want to ever forget where we were and how far God have taken us. I am still astounded every day by the magnitude of blessing that God has showered upon us.

So what has He done for you lately?

What will your pile of rocks be to remind you of His unchanging goodness and faithfulness?

Kendra

wow
it's been a week since I blogged. Not sure where the week has gone but I'm glad I'm sitting at the end of it. The weather here today is Beautiful! Very warm, breezy and SPRINGY! We've got windows open so the fresh air can chase away the stuffiness of winter. I've pretty much recovered from my fall last week - a bit of tenderness yet in my knee but I've been able to get out and take some nice walks in the improving weather this week. I have been feeling conviction about getting back to more regular exercise and I figured I have to start somewhere so I am just taking a half hour walk each night around my neighborhood. Not a marathon to be sure but it's a start. Sometimes I get so sick and tired of constantly needing to restart my exercise habits that I could scream. I guess if smokers should never quit quitting, I should never stop starting!
No news on the foster care front. I think about it a lot but try to stop shy of obsessing. Lately I have been thinking a lot how strange it is that I am waiting anxiously for what realistically is a tragic event in a person's life. For us to start to build our family, someone will have to give up (by choice or force) their child. Granted, their decisions will be what leads up to this, but it still feels like a strange place to be sitting in wait. God has really been working on my heart to grow more compassion for the mothers who lose their children. Not pity, because poor choices have consequences, but compassion for the hurt, regret, and anger that they must struggle with. God is always up to something in our hearts, isn't He? Tonight brings an invitation to a pizza dinner with some friends that we love to spend time with. I think Friday is traditionally their family night, so we feel honored to share it. Have a good weekend. Kendra

on the mend

Today I am again home from work mending from my close encounter with the driveway yesterday morning. I had every intention to go in today, especially since I normally only work 1/2 day on Friday. However, it just worked out that I only had a few people scheduled and they could be easily moved to another clinician's schedule so they called me and told me to take another day if I wanted. I woke up this morning and sort of laid there testing everything to see how sore I was. I expected to feel like I'd been hit by a truck but actually I feel decent. My knee is still a bit puffy, tender, and tight when I bend it and my neck and shoulder are tight and sore but overall I am pleasantly surprised by how good I feel. Thank you God for the amazing ability you created in our bodies for quick healing and recovery.
I find myself today wondering about the little boy who DHS called us about Wednesday; wondering where he ended up and how he is adjusting. I am praying that he is on the way to finding the stability he needs so he can get on with just being a kid. I haven't heard any updates from the social worker so I am operating on the assumption that the situation has been resovled without our help. God is really comforting me, especially in these last few days, that there IS a child out there for us and that he or she will arrive in His perfect time. I'm learning that there is value in the waiting as I learn the amazing calming effect God can have on my spirit when I start to release my death grip of control.
I hope that if you also find yourself waiting on God that you will find peace and joy in the present and sweet hope for what's to come.

Kendra

near miss?

we had quite a shocker yesterday.
we got a call that they may have a 2 year old boy that needs a home.
GULP.
We've been licensed only a few days and already a call.
I spent some time on the phone getting details from the social worker, talked to Dan, prayed hard for God to {quickly} guide us.
We decided that it seemed like a situation that might fit so I called him back and told him we were in if they needed us.
Then we watied - the case involves a couple different counties so there is was some coordination that would need to take place.
As of last night, the social worker from the county where this child originated thought he would be placed in that county after all but she would know all the details today.
So, the door is not completely shut in this case from what I can determine, but it appears to be headed that way.
Last night Dan asked me if I was doing OK with this, and I sat there for a minute and then told him that I felt surprisingly calm and peaceful about it all. This is a bit out of character for me but it felt great and I felt very comforted that God is going to put this little boy in the exact place He has for him. If that is with us, wonderful, but if it isn't, I know that He is working out his perfect plan for His glory.
Praise God for His ability to calm me anxieties and soothe my disappointments.
A good friend of my husbands sent him a text message that went something like this. We know that God is not in the business of toying with our emotions. Perhaps this near miss has happened to remind you that things can happen quickly and we should be prepared for His working in our lives. Well said brother :)
I'm home today from work due to an unfortunate meeting with a patch of black ice in the driveway this morning. The result was a mess of twisted limbs, coming down hard on my knee and wrist, and now a date with an ice pack, Motrin, elevation. I don't think it's serious but as time passes I am feeling some annoying throbbing and frankly aching all over. Hopefully a day of rest and treating my knee nice will take care of it and I will be back to work tomorrow. The funny thing is that this morning, JSUT BEFORE WALKING OUT THE DOOR, I said to Dan that I was feeling some fatigue from the previous day of riding the emotional roller coaster and it would be nice to just have a day off! Yes, those words actually came out of my mouth! Not thirty seconds later the debacle in the driveway occured. Maybe God misunderstood me or maybe I should have been more specific about HOW I would have liked that day off to happen! Just goes to show you have to be careful what you ask for!

oh what a difference an email can make!

I came home tonight, walked in the back door and was greeted by the smell of a wonderful stirfry meal that my husband was creating. It was a nice touch since I had spent the day disappointed since our foster care license had, once again, NOT arrived in the mail. The nice meal with my hubby perked my spirits and after dinner I headed to the office to catch up on emails. THATS WHEN I SAW IT! - an email from our DHS licensing worker. Initially I thought it was just a reply to an email I sent him earlier on another topic but when I opened it I saw these awesome words - "the license was issued as of today". That means that although we don't hold the paper in our hands, we ARE licensed! It also dawned on me that it was exactly two months ago today that we met with the licensing worker for the first time to start this whole process. It has gone amazingly smooth and reportedly much quicker than is average - 2 months versus an average of three to six months. We are still confident that God is blessing this undertaking and we are so excited to now see how He will use us! Thanks to all who have been praying for this process and continue to pray for what the future will hold for us! What a great start to the week!