Smelly.

Well, I've discovered my first strange side-effect of being pregnant. My nose is quickly becoming like that of a bloodhound! Certain smells are lighting my gag reflex right up! So far those smells include my husband's breath (morning breath is never good but this is extraordinary aversion), cool whip, and ranch dressing. If this continues my husband and I may need to eat and sleep in different rooms to make it to December! He is being a good sport about it thankfully. Otherwise I continue to feel pretty good. Seems like I've been more tired than normal the past couple days but still tolerable. Thursday we have an appointment for an ultrasound and visit with the doctor and we are hoping they will be able to tell us if there is more than one baby hanging out in there! The possibility of multiples is a very exciting and scary thought. Hopefully in a few days we'll know what we're facing! In the meantime we continue to be in awe of the gift that God has given us and we are so enjoying dreaming about our family and the future.
God is good, all the time.

Good Friday.

Today I am thankful. I know, I know, we should be thankful everyday but let's be real - some days we are more thankful than others. Today was one of those days. Thankful for what you ask.....? Just some random things like a good day at work, my patient who hugged me today and told me I made a difference in her life, my husband's handsome face when I got home, evidence of some good financial progress (we are working like dogs to pay off some debt so I can maybe be a stay at home mom), simply feeling good (no negative prego symptoms yet but I hear it starts to kick your butt around 6-8 weeks which is fast approaching), un-April like weather in Michigan (but supposed to be back in the 40s by Monday). I just have a wonderful happy calm spirit today and I am kind of just reveling in it I guess. We're headed off to have a grill feast with some friends, hang out and play some cards. A good end to a good day.

Today God's goodness was all over my day and I hope it was for you too!

Kendra

Well taken care of.

It's been a few days now since we got our big news and it is settling in a bit. I find myself having to really remind myself to not worry about things that are many many months away. I am trying instead to focus on what is in front of us and go from there. We just found out we are pregnant and if I let myself, I would spend time worrying about how to send these (this) kids (kid) to college!
One thing that has been a constant through this whole experience is how well my husband has taken care of me. For a couple weeks yet I am still following the restrictions given me following the egg retrieval procedure. So....my husband has been utterly fantastic about keeping our house running smooth and keeping me happy. He would rather see me resting than doing the dishes and may even go so far as to scrub the shower to keep me for doing so right now! He is constantly attentive to how I am feeling, if I am comfortable, anything I need or want done. I am blessed beyond measure to have this beautiful man as my husband. I asked him today if he loved me more because I'm pregnant (because that's how it feels) and he just looked at me and said "Not really. I love you more and more every day anyway whether or not you're pregnant". God has truly blessed me with this wonderful man to be the daddy to these (this) babies (baby). So, even though I try to tell you often how great you are and how helpful you have been to me, I want to publically say honey that I love you beyond words and couldn't get through this without you taking such good care of us!
You are a reminder to me of how good God is all the time!

Kendra

Double.

Greetings from newly pregnant land! We repeated the blood test today for hormone levels and were thrilled to hear that the level had doubled since Tuesday just like it is supposed to. More praise to God who has completely blown me away in the past few days with the abundance of his blessings. In two weeks we will have an ultrasound done and hopefully they will be able to tell us how many feet will be pitter pattering around our house! I have been feeling good. The only odd thing I've noticed is that for the past 3-4 night I have woken up and around 4am burning hot all over. I have to throw off all the covers and lay in the cold air to cool off. Meanwhile my husband is often shivering under the down comforter and quilt! We keep our house pretty chilly and live in Michigan so it is by no means overly warm in our room. I'm sure this is the first of many odd things I will experience.
God is SOOOOOOO good.

Kendra

Sunny Day

Today is a sunny day.

The sun is shining and the sky

outside is clear and blue.

Today is also a sunny day in my

heart and in our family.

Today we found out that

we are going to have a baby

Just putting it in black and white makes me cry.



God has seen fit to bless us with this overwhelming joy and I am so humbled by His goodness.

As of today I am 12 days pregnant and holding! Seems weird to know this early but that's what happens when science is involved! We are so crazy happy that I can't hardly stand it! We had fun calling our immediate family and close friends and sharing the news. Most of them knew we would find out today and were anxiously anticipating the results. Feels so good to share happy news with those who rejoice in your joy and weep in your sadness. You all know who you are and thank you seems inadequate. We would love your continued prayers as this pregnancy progresses. We have another blood test Thursday and then see the doctor in two weeks for an ultrasound. How cool is that gonna be??? Can't wait.

I truly feel that life will never be the same



WOW - is God good all the time or what?

Kendra

Unconditional Praise

What started out as 12 days of waiting on God has dwindled to 18 hours (give or take a couple). I, of course, can think of little else. I am hoping and dreaming and praying that tomorrow will bring a happy phone call and dancing around like fools in the kitchen shouting what an amazing God we have. I know He is just as amazing if we are disappointed tomorrow but I am fearful that if that were to be how it turns out, I will let God down with my sadness and broken heart. I will praise Him either way but in particular want my response to be pleasing to Him if we are not pregnant. Because praising God when He gives you what you want is easy.......unconditional praise is difficult. Sadly, I think that maybe this is the first time in my decades as a Christian that I have been very mindful of this. I'm afraid that I haven't been much for praising God through disappointment in the past. I would praise God for the blessing and, when disappointed, I would just be disappointed and then move on. Talk about missed opportunity! I am still steadfastly believing in answered prayers and God fulfilling the desires of our hearts, but if this is not His timing for us to be pregnant, I will make sure that I will not let this opportunity for praising our amazing God pass me by.
Praying that I will not forget that God being good all the time means ALL the time.

Kendra

48 Hours

Haven't posted in a few days because I went back to work and I guess just got busy with normal life. Realized just now that 48 hours from now we will know if we are pregnant. (!) Frankly today I've been kind a mess emotionally with the weight of the impending news. Trying to prepare for praising God for answered prayers and realization of our dreams of a family and (this is harder) also preparing to praising God even if He decides to delay our desire to be parents. Tears either way I'm certain given that I'm a crier at the drop of a hat anyway so this situation is a no-brainer for a river. We sang a song in church today that we sing often called Bleesed Be Your Name but today the words were screaming off the screen and I could barely sing for the lump in my throat. Here are the words:
(not sure who to give credit - sung by the Newsboys and others I'm sure)

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name
CHORUS:
Every blessing You pour out I'll
Turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be You name
And blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

My desire is that whether He gives or chooses not to right now, we will be able to be faithful and praise the glorious Name of the Lord. I'm not kidding myself that it will be easy if this doesn't turn out how we'd like but God never promised an easy road.

God is Good

all the time,

even during an emotional roller coaster ride.

Kendra

Back to Work

Today I returned to work for the first time since April 2nd. It's been a long time since I had that many days in a row off but I'm glad I listened to my ever caring and cautious hubby and took the bulk of the week off. I really feel like I have gotten plenty of rest and today went well. It helped that on Thursdays I work from 7-12 only. My job is fairly active ( I am an athletic trainer in an outpatient physical therapy clinic) but I had no problem following the lifting restriction I have which was one of my concerns. Actually the busy pace of my job will be welcome over the next several days leading up to TEST DAY! Days fly by there before I know what hit me. Tomorrow is a ten hour day so will be more of a challenge but I have some awesome co-workers who will prod me along as needed I'm sure! Normalcy feels comforting right now.

Blessings to all for a great day. FRIDAYS COMIN"!

Remember that God is good all the time.

Kendra

Dream On

So I've decided my earlier post about reigning in my dreaming until we know for sure if we're pregnant or not is just CRAP! Impossible. So yesterday I spent a portion of the day on the Internet looking at lots of pregnancy and baby websites. It was kind of fun and a bit scary to read all that might lay ahead. But I tell ya what, it was a lot easier than sitting here trying to force the thoughts out of my head! I spent a lot of time on a couple of baby name websites and my husband and I had fun throwing around names (there sure are some odd ones out there!) and actually are pretty like minded for the most part.
We are on the one week countdown until our pregnancy test! Coincides with tax day coincidentally. I am returning to work on Thursday so hopefully it will distract me a bit from the waiting game. A coworker stopped by last night and they are surviving without me just like I knew they would. It will be nice to return to some semblance of normalcy though.

My God, the giver and fulfiller of dreams, is good all the time.

Kendra

Home Sweet Home

We are finallly home! In the past ten days I have spent only two nights in my own bed so I am beyond glad to finally land at home! My husband has me propped all comfy in bed as I continue cajolling the embyos to attach and hang on. The ride home went well. I reclined the front seat and was actually quite comfortable. Today is to be the day when I transition from bedrest to light activity so I was able to shower ( I stayed in until I was shriveled), be up for meals, etc, but I am trying to be either in bed or fully reclined in the chair in between these times. I am finding myself a bit lightheaded when I am up and about but I am sure that is a side effect of being vertical for the majority of the past 56 hours or so! On the way home we let ourselves dream a little and talked about what we would name our brood......three girls, two boys and a girl, two girls and a boy, one girl, two boys, pretty much every combination we could come up with. Right now I feel the need to be very cautious though about things like this because I am fearful of being devestated if we do not end up pregnant. I know disappointment is a risk that we all take everyday because the potential rewards are so great. But for now, I am reigning in the dreams just a bit. Over the past couple days I have fallen in love with my husband in a whole new way. He has been the ultimate selfless caretaker, comforter, encourager, and friend. When I think of him as a dad I get a ball of emotion in my throat. Several times over the past few days while I was in bed, he would lay on his belly across the bed, put his hands and face on my belly and pray for God's blessing on this procedure and for the safety and health of me and these embryos. It melts me to see a man so humbled before God and so fervent and intentional in his prayers. Every woman should be so blessed by God to have a man such as this.
God is so good, God is so good, God is so good, He's so good to me (this song has been in my head nonstop for the past few days - hope you all know it!)

Be Blessed, Kendra

Bloggin' On Bedrest

Some people dream of a day spent doing nothing but lounging in bed, resting, watching TV, reading, being waited on, etc. If you are one of those people I would seriously warn you to be careful what you wish for! We returned to the fertility clinic Friday morning and had three, YES THAT'S RIGHT I SAID THREE, embryos tranferred into my uterus. The doctor said we have "beautiful embryos" and he had every reason to believe this will work for us. To increase our chances of the embryos implanting in the uterine lining, I am on bedrest strictly until tonight and then modified until Monday. So for now that means getting up only to go to the bathroom. I never thought of a trip to the bathroom as a treat before but my mind has sure been changed in the past 27 hours! Tonight, specifically in 6 1/2 hours, I will be allowed to get out of bed to have dinner - yippee! Tomorrow I will be able to get up for a shower and for meals and then Monday slowly increase activities. I am off work until THursday though so I plan to take it pretty easy. Ironically, this weekend also is a family getaway that my parents gave us as a Christmas gift so my parents and sibling, nieces and nephew have all been around to break up my boredom. All in all, I am surviving with minimal insanity or discomfort and am focusing on giving these embryos their best chance at becoming our family.

Pregnant, not pregnant, or somewhere in between, my God is good all the time!

Kendra

Feelin' Loopy

I went back this morning and read my post from yesterday. Quite frankly I was surprised that it made sense. I was told that the drugs they gave me yesterday would wear off in 3-5 hours but I ended up sleeping off and on, mostly on, for almost 24 hours. My husband says I said some pretty comical and nonsensical things..... I woke up for lunch, dinner, and apparently to blog. I was in pretty good pain yesterday afternoon and into the evening with only Tylenol allowed for relief. I decided last night that it wasn't gonna work for me to go to work today and I'm really glad I did. I have less pain this morning but my lower abdomen still feels quite tender and unhappy if I move around too much. So, my plan today is to continue to lay low and rest until we head back to Grand Rapids this afternoon. I'm waiting anxiously to hear from the doctor how many of the eggs successfully fertilized. The procedure to put the embryos back into me will be mid morning tomorrow so prayers continue to be appreciated. I'll blog again when I'm able but it probably will be a few days.

Even when I am loopy, I know that God is good all the time.

Kendra

Laying Low

Today I had 14, count 'em 14, eggs removed from my ovaries! The doctor said everything went well. I was quite heavily sedated for the retrieval and am still groggy 10 hours later. I've done very little since we left there except eat lunch and sleep. I am more uncomfortable than I would like to be right now but hopefully it will subside as I rest tonight. I plan to work 1/2 day tomorrow but we'll have to see how I feel. I am so thankful to God that everything went smoothly. I felt very well taken care of at the clinic this morning and can't help but think about our embryos that are hopefully rapidly dividing in their lab as I write this. Please continue to pray for us as we head back to Grand Rapids tomorrow night and then have the embryos implanted on Friday morning. Big stuff, exciting stuff to be sure.

Even in a drug haze :) I know our God is good all the time.

Kendra