sunny sunday

Today I went out on the deck to hang a couple wet kitchen towels to dry in the hot sun and caught a glimpse of the black-eyed susans standing tall and golden and, well, just plain sunny. I love this flower since it is very hardy and responsive to my chosen method of gardening - neglect! This plant started last spring as a small chunk of my mother-in-law's plant and has really taken off. It did me good to see this bright "sunshiney" flower this morning. I am not feeling well due to some frustrating side effects of a medicine I am taking and need all the sun I can get today. I reread yesterday's post and this is helping me focus and the One who is controlling all this.

My husband also told me this morning that the Japenese Lanterns had bloomed. Last spring I was talking gardening with a patient and she was talking about these plants and I was sharing with her that when I was a kid my parents had these growing along one entire side of our house. I remember being fascinated my the delicate orange "lanterns" that hung from these plants. A couple days later here she comes with a bucket for me with a donation from her garden to mine. I planted just one plant last spring and this year we have probably a dozen or more plants spreading along the side of our house. Gotta love a little nostalgic trip down memory lane every now and then.

God Bless and keep your eyes on Him, Kendra

a lesson from a friend

A few days ago I was taking a walk down by the river with a friend of mine. I enjoy walking and talking with her and we routinely cover subjects from family to politics to church to work and most things in between. This day was no different. We were talking about exercise and weight loss and she was telling me that as she has been losing weight (by the way you look AWESOME hot mamma!) she had sort of gotten obsessed with the scale and consequently her progress had slowed. Then she told me that she had a realization that what had happened had nothing to do with her diet or exercise but everything to do with something else. She told me, "I realized I had taken my eyes off Jesus." We continued to talk about this and other subjects as we beat the pavement together. That night I couldn't get her comment out of my mind, and today, several days later, I still can't. I started to think and evaluate how good I was doing at keeping my eyes on Jesus. I gotta tell you, I could do better. It is ridiculously easy for me to get caught up in the worries and frustrations of life and, to quote TW, "take my eyes off Jesus." I realize that if I would spend more time focusing on Him and less time focusing on things I have no control over, that I will have peace that passeth understanding and God will sort out all the rest and align my life with His will. Thank God for my sister in Christ who, through sharing her own lesson learned, taught me one too. Thanks TW for the V8 moment. I love you, respect you, and am proud of you.
The words to this song have rattled around in my head over and over the past few days:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace.

Hopefully these words bless you like they have blessed me and remind you to keep your eyes on Jesus, whose plans for us are good and perfect.

new do

some of you have asked to see the new do that i FINALLY had enough hair to pursue. Well, here it is. Hard to see the style because my hair is so dark - Nothing fancy but it feels cool and light and stylish and I love it.

Over the past couple days my husband and I have done something that we haven't done in a very very long time. Retail therapy. I have posted previously about our horrible stewardship for many many years that left us with a huge amount of sufficating debt at the start of our marriage in 2005. Part of righting the ship for us was lots of budgeting, scrimping, and going without. Not going without neccesities, but definately going without the wants. Happily, we are finally to the point where we have a bit of breathing room so, at my wonderful husband's suggestion, we headed out Saturday to replace some clothes that are well past their useful life. I have to admit, as much as I was looking forward to it, I had a hard time. I had spent so long NOT indulging in wants that it was difficult to go ahead and shop a bit. In the end, we both ended up with some nice purchases at reasonable prices. My husband is gushing over how great his new socks feel! It's the simple things that make us happy! It felt great to purchase things without even considering using a credit card. I shop differently now. No more buying just because. We spent the past two years paying off just because purchases and we refuse to go back.

Happy Sunday

This is the day that the Lord has made

Let's rejoice and be glad!

Kendra

the first of many.

this picture is one of my favorites.

it's not recent, in fact it was taken on 12/28/04.

it was the first picture of me and my then new "friend" (i think the word boyfriend needs to be banned from your vocabulary after age 27 or so)

we had gone on our first date just two weeks or so prior and were spending every available minute together exploring what we both felt was something amazing that we happening to us.

earlier that day i had told Dan there was something cool i wanted to show him so we went for a drive and ended up here - Good Harbor Beach.

it's not a beach with lifeguards, kids with sand buckets, lots of people with lawnchairs and coolers, or concession stands.

it's a beach where you rarely see more than two or three other people, there are very cool rocks and drift wood, you won't come upon it unless you already know it's there, and you can walk along beautiful Lake Michigan for miles.

it was here that we took the first of many many self photos of our adventures together.

i have this photo on my nightstand and everytime i look at it i smile because that time in our lives was magical.

six weeks later we were engaged to be married on this same beach.....but that's a post for another day.

wishing you magical moments of your own.

Kendra

PS - a couple of you have inquired about a photo of the sassy new haircut. I'll work on it. :)

cut.

last friday i got a haircut.

i mean a real haircut

not just a trim.

i could leave it at that and a few people would understand.

the rest of you are lost i'm sure

so let me shed some light on the subject for the confused.



2 1/2 years ago (march 15, 2006 to be exact - the date is burned in my mind) i went to get a haircut. it was to be a simple trim of my short somewhat spikey haircut. i loved wearing my hair short and i felt my hair was one of my best features and the style fit me well. i was sitting in the chair and Jolee ran her fingers through the back of my hair prior to starting to cut it and cautiously asked, "did you know you have a bald spot back here?" I can't really describe the sick feeling that hit my stomach. The spot was the size of a quarter and was located behind my left ear. Not knowing what else to do, she cut it as well as she could and we devised a style,minus the great spikes in the back, that would cover the spot. She reassured me that it should grow back eventually but i sensed concern in her voice. I made it home before breaking into tears and spending a sick amount of time in front of the mirror inspecting "the spot". Over the next 5-6 months, my alopecia areata, as it was diagnosed, got much much worse. By November of that same year, a seemingly harmless small bald spot became bald areas across the entire back of my head, a large area at my left temple, and countless spots from 1-2 inches round all over my head. I went from doctor to doctor to doctor searching for a reason, and more importantly, and solution. My family doctor, a endrocrinologist, and dermatologist all gently told me that there was no known cause and no great solution. A dermatologist did offer to inject the sites with cortisone but by this time it would have taken hundreds of injections and that much cortisone isn't good for you. They all said it would grow back but couldn't tell me when - "it could take weeks, months, or years." Golly, that's helful. I was emotionally devestated and extremely depressed to say the least. I work with the public in the medical field and was so self-conscious that my patients would notice. Having worn my hair short for a lot of years, there were frequent questions as i grew it out to cover the spots. Each time someone asked why i was growing my hair out i could barely keep from crying as i provided one lame reason after another. One sad memory i have is the day that my loving, romantic husband drove me an hour to a great Lake Huron beach to just walk, sit and hang out together and i was unable to enjoy it because i had forgotten a hat and the wind was blowing my hair around and exposing my bald spots for all the see. Probably the most devestating day was when i had to go see a hairdresser about the possibility of getting a wig. I cried all the way there, all the way through the consultation, and all the way home. The poor man must have thought i'd lost it, and, in fact, i was pretty close. Gone was my stylish haircut and replacing it was long, thin, patchy, stringy hair that made me feel ugly. I didn't realize how much of my identity I had put in my hairstyle. Hair is a big deal for women - at least for this woman! It's an expression of our style and a great way to show individuality. Thankfully it never came to wearing a wig. Near the end of 2006, i began to notice some peach fuzz type of hair growing in some of the patches. i was cautiously optomistic but still doubtful that i would ever have my hair back. Since that time, the areas have slowly grown back and filled in. Most came back wavy or curly and, with the rest of my hair being straight, provided some challenges,but at least it was growing. As of last Friday it had been just shy of 2 1/2 years since my hair started falling out. I had felt for a month or so that i would probably be able to pull off a short cut again but i had trouble summoning up the bravery to make the appointment. The what ifs were everywhere. Somehow i managed to show up for the appointment i made and announced that i thought i was ready for a real cut. My hair person, jolee, who by the way had been awesome and encouraging everytime i visited and cried through my appointment, looked shocked but excited. She sat me down and carefully inspected my head for any spots i had missed. After a tense couple of minutes she pronounced me with a full head of hair and off we went! She snipped and clipped and fluffed and razored, then she dried and moussed and tousled and sprayed. When she finally finished and asked me what i thought i couldn't talk because of the tears and lump in my throat. It looked fabulous - like the old me staring back at me! It felt light and fresh and stylish and just plain GREAT! Funny how your hair can make such a difference in how you feel - if i got philisophical maybe too much - but i am choosing just to soak it in and love how it has given me a light young feeling. It could all fall out again tomorrow, i realize this, and if that happens, it happens. Will it suck? You bet it will, but God got me through it once and He could do it again - i know He could. So if by chance you have happened upon this and have lived through something similar, i know how hard it is and am praying above all for peace that passes understanding and comfort from our awesome God whom the Bible says in Matthew numbers the hairs on our head.

last friday i got a haircut

praise God!

Kendra